Cultural Faux Pas in Istanbul, Turkey

Recently, I visited Istanbul, Turkey, and I committed a cultural faux pas of extending my hand to a Muslim man before he extended his hand to me.  I was with my dad in a carpet shop, browsing as a tourist, and I became so comfortable to extend my hand to shake one of the shop owners’ hands after he shook my dad’s hand to be confronted by the comment, “I can’t.  I pray.”  I understood completely why he did not shake my hand, but of all places for this to happen, I did not expect it to be in Turkey.

This cultural faux pas was not a major cultural faux pas, but it took me aback, especially in such a secular country like Turkey.  I had been living in Jordan for the past three months, and I had been such on guard and a cultural awareness of appropriate and haraam (forbidden) customs in the country and religion.  Yet, when I became a tourist, I seemed to forget cultural mannerisms in a new country especially which was contributed to the fact that I did not research the social customs of Turkey in depth before visiting the country. 

I believe that when we let our guard down, we make mistakes.  I assumed that all of Turks where so secular and western that I forgot that Turkey was still a largely Muslim nation and that many people outside of the larger countries like Istanbul and Ankara are more conservative than those from the cities.  Sometimes we assume that everybody shares the same traits and characteristics between cultures, and some do coincide, but others are very different, especially when it comes to Islamic culture versus Western culture.  To truly understand, one must insert his self into the culture and live among the people as anthropologists do; being a tourist removes one from this opportunity.

I was with my dad first in Istanbul and then in Jordan for my spring break. Although he asked some questions regarding personal issues like relationships, honor killings and the rules of Islam, the gentlemen were more than happy to answer questions.  I was wondering who was committing the cultural faux pas at those moments and who was not taking advantage of the journalistic opportunity to connect with locals on a deeper cultural level.  My father, being a man, has more freedom to communicate with men on this deeper cultural level.  As a woman, sometimes I have the disadvantage of trying to talk to other women, who are not always willing to talk to foreigners. 

There is a skill to deciphering cultural ignorance and cultural curiosity.  Sometimes it’s acceptable to pry for answers to questions regarding culture; other times, you may offend someone by asking too personal questions.  My father did not seem to offend anyone with his questions.  It takes courage and risks to ask these questions, and you will not find the answers if you do not ask.  Yet, it always helps to research a new culture before visiting that new culture just to make sure to reside in the gray area and not cross the line.