“You Will Be Found” Remembering Julie – One Year Later
Julie was the best of us. She was goodness wrapped up inside of a person – the Beth March of our little family of friends. And like the wind, she was here for 26 years and then gone too soon.
There is a stigma around depression and suicide, but it is a true disease. As I entered into my first real grieving period of my life, I learned how to grieve someone from a disease that I couldn’t quite make sense of or really even pinpoint. It is said that we only understand ten percent of the brain’s activity but use all of its function during our lives. Well, if Julie was using 100% of her brain to live, she used 150% of her soul to love others more than loving life and herself.
One year later, and I’ve only begun to start the five-year period of grief. But the loss of Julie has taught me so much about life, especially life living in pain and with depression.
So, when I remember Julie’s legacy, I remember that she cared as much about the little details of our lives as she did the big things – just like God. Her attention is how she showed love to all. Here are a few little lessons her passing imparted on me:
How many great leaders have battled the darkness inside? Abraham Lincoln was haunted by depression for most of his life, but he continued to make history as the American president who preserved the Union and defeated the evil of slavery.[1]Martin Luther King, Jr. battled depression, but he was the catalyst and main force for the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s. Princess Diana of Wales made the world pay attention to and care for the poor and sick around the world as an ambassador for numerous charities, but she silently suffered from depression in a loveless marriage. Even Biblical leaders like the prophets Moses and Elijah, God’s messengers to the Jewish people, faced unending sadness and melancholy in their worlds but also gave mankind some of the greatest moral lessons and stories.[2]
No matter what darkness she faced internally, Julie kept on leading with her light until she couldn’t anymore.
And similar to people’s battle with cancer, some people don’t win their battle with depression or mental illness in general. They succumb, or rather, the depression (the disease) kills who s/he truly was. People do die from depression by a combined series of situations where the disease does kill them because they are no longer ‘them’ making decisions.
Julie’s last gift to me was a mug that read, “Good friends are like the stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there…” She was saying goodbye, but she was also saying, “Don’t forget me.” She wanted her legacy to live on and for the real Julie to be remembered – not the sad Julie that depression was invading and controlling.
My mother also told me that people who commit suicide don’t want to actually want to take their lives; they just want the pain to stop. So, if there was a way for those individuals to exist without the pain and the disease, wouldn’t you think they would continue living?
But we must remember we can’t force someone to accept help if s/he does not want it – s/he may be past the point of wanting to live, and that is when it may be best to seek other officials (e.g. law enforcement, etc.) to intervene in someone’s life before s/he takes his or her own life. If there is an emergency in treating someone with suicidal intentions, call the police and call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Recovery is hard, but that person may find some happiness in his or her life continuing if given the chance to live, even if it’s living with depression.
And for those in a similar situation to mine, grieving the loved ones who lost their battle to suicide, remember this: it was no one’s fault because we live in a broken world where chemical insufficiencies can cause mental illness and where a depression panacea does not exist. So, feel loved and keep loving that person even after s/he has passed on because they never meant to be forgotten; s/he will live on in a different form – maybe as an angel or in your memories –no longer in pain.
So, I leave you with these verses from the song “You Will Be Found” from DEAR EVAN HANSEN[3]:
Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
When you’re broken on the ground
You will be found
So let the sun come streaming in
'Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again
If you only look around
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found
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There is a stigma around depression and suicide, but it is a true disease. As I entered into my first real grieving period of my life, I learned how to grieve someone from a disease that I couldn’t quite make sense of or really even pinpoint. It is said that we only understand ten percent of the brain’s activity but use all of its function during our lives. Well, if Julie was using 100% of her brain to live, she used 150% of her soul to love others more than loving life and herself.
One year later, and I’ve only begun to start the five-year period of grief. But the loss of Julie has taught me so much about life, especially life living in pain and with depression.
Three Little Lessons
Julie would often ask her class of first graders, “Is it a big thing or a little thing?” when referring to the issues her tiny students brought to her attention. Even though Julie as the teacher wanted her students to figure out the little things by themselves, she didn’t care less about their small issues than their big issues. Each child was precious in her sight.So, when I remember Julie’s legacy, I remember that she cared as much about the little details of our lives as she did the big things – just like God. Her attention is how she showed love to all. Here are a few little lessons her passing imparted on me:
1. You can still lead even if you have depression.
Julie was a leader to her classroom children not only in academics, but as a role model. She was a leader to her college classmates in academic excellence. She was a leader of empathy to our group of friends in learning to love at all times and notice the little things about us.How many great leaders have battled the darkness inside? Abraham Lincoln was haunted by depression for most of his life, but he continued to make history as the American president who preserved the Union and defeated the evil of slavery.[1]Martin Luther King, Jr. battled depression, but he was the catalyst and main force for the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s. Princess Diana of Wales made the world pay attention to and care for the poor and sick around the world as an ambassador for numerous charities, but she silently suffered from depression in a loveless marriage. Even Biblical leaders like the prophets Moses and Elijah, God’s messengers to the Jewish people, faced unending sadness and melancholy in their worlds but also gave mankind some of the greatest moral lessons and stories.[2]
No matter what darkness she faced internally, Julie kept on leading with her light until she couldn’t anymore.
2. Not everyone wins their battle with depression or mental illness.
Just like a cancer, depression spreads and grows – forcing a combination of nebulous mental pressure on a person’s psyche until it becomes unbearable to wake up each morning. Combined with other mental illnesses and chemical deficiencies, depression makes a person’s physical and mental self very unstable.And similar to people’s battle with cancer, some people don’t win their battle with depression or mental illness in general. They succumb, or rather, the depression (the disease) kills who s/he truly was. People do die from depression by a combined series of situations where the disease does kill them because they are no longer ‘them’ making decisions.
3. People don’t want to die or be forgotten by you when facing depression.
As much negativity that exists in depression telling its victim that no one cares or to become forgotten, that person – his/her true self – doesn’t want to be forgotten. S/he deep down knows what it means to be loved and want that love to continue, but depression stands in the way.Julie’s last gift to me was a mug that read, “Good friends are like the stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there…” She was saying goodbye, but she was also saying, “Don’t forget me.” She wanted her legacy to live on and for the real Julie to be remembered – not the sad Julie that depression was invading and controlling.
My mother also told me that people who commit suicide don’t want to actually want to take their lives; they just want the pain to stop. So, if there was a way for those individuals to exist without the pain and the disease, wouldn’t you think they would continue living?
At the Close
When it comes to mental illness, I’m not an expert. But I am human and have experienced loss of a loved one to a disease as real as any other. So, let’s stop the stigma, and have the hard conversations before we lose someone else to the disease of depression. We can’t save everyone from depression just like we can’t save everyone from cancer, but maybe one day there will exist cures for both diseases, and no one will have to suffer like they did before.Where Do We Go From Here?
You may be wondering what to do if you are faced with depression or know someone who is facing depression. Talking with someone is always a good first step, and that could be a family member or a friend first. Then, it’s best to reach out to a licensed professional – a psychologist or a psychiatrist – who specializes in treating depression and mental illness. You wouldn’t stay cooped up in your bed if you were facing meningitis or another life-threatening illness, would you? Neither should you stay away from getting help (if you truly want help) for depression and mental illness.But we must remember we can’t force someone to accept help if s/he does not want it – s/he may be past the point of wanting to live, and that is when it may be best to seek other officials (e.g. law enforcement, etc.) to intervene in someone’s life before s/he takes his or her own life. If there is an emergency in treating someone with suicidal intentions, call the police and call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Recovery is hard, but that person may find some happiness in his or her life continuing if given the chance to live, even if it’s living with depression.
And for those in a similar situation to mine, grieving the loved ones who lost their battle to suicide, remember this: it was no one’s fault because we live in a broken world where chemical insufficiencies can cause mental illness and where a depression panacea does not exist. So, feel loved and keep loving that person even after s/he has passed on because they never meant to be forgotten; s/he will live on in a different form – maybe as an angel or in your memories –no longer in pain.
You Will Be Found
When I lost Julie last year, I had just discovered the musical DEAR EVAN HANSEN on Broadway. Its most notable song, “You Will Be Found”, reminds us all that we are found in this life by those who love us and kept living by those who continue to love us. I played that song countless times in the car crying to myself because of the physical and emotional pain I felt from the loss of Julie. But Julie was found once again in the memories, the photos and the stories that arose after the depression ceased. Depression may have won her body, but it did not win her heart, her soul or her memory because there was no evil in her. She was all goodness.So, I leave you with these verses from the song “You Will Be Found” from DEAR EVAN HANSEN[3]:
Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
When you’re broken on the ground
You will be found
So let the sun come streaming in
'Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again
If you only look around
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found
Footnotes:
[1] This leader and the following two leaders are referenced and sourced from this website: http://allthatsinteresting.com/mental-illness-leaders#4.
[2] https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/7-bible-figures-who-struggled-with-depression.html
[3] Lyrics from the musical DEAR EVAN HANSEN: https://genius.com/Original-broadway-cast-of-dear-evan-hansen-you-will-be-found-lyrics
[1] This leader and the following two leaders are referenced and sourced from this website: http://allthatsinteresting.com/mental-illness-leaders#4.
[2] https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/7-bible-figures-who-struggled-with-depression.html
[3] Lyrics from the musical DEAR EVAN HANSEN: https://genius.com/Original-broadway-cast-of-dear-evan-hansen-you-will-be-found-lyrics
Post-Script
**If you are looking for some films to watch to help you with the loss of a loved one, I found the following list of films comforting and helpful in coping with grief:
- The Shack (2017)
- A Monster Calls (2016)
- Lion (2016)
- To Joey, with Love (2016)
- Captain Fantastic (2016)
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